miércoles, 2 de agosto de 2017

Digimon Abridged 6: A fistfull of salads (ENGLISH)


*Friendzone Dubs*
TK: I forgot not being stupid!
MONZAEMON: The next video is a nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release.
GOMAMON: Previously, on Digimon Abridged… Yes, that’s me, Gomamon. The narrator couldn’t cam today and specifically asked me to substitute him. That means I will digi-evolve in this episode! Now let me read what let me written. The idiots, and Gomamon, were lost in a factory and were attacked by the owner, like it should be. Cubonemon and Garrulomon weren’t at his level and got their asses kicked. So the cockroach with the Cutrerama Professor voice became an even uglier bug and defeated Bendermon.
Episode 6: a fistful of salads
TAI: This is my rifle, this is my gun…
EVERYBODY: This is my rifle, this is my gun…
AGUMON: One is the phallus-centric representation of how women are oppressed in the first world and the other first-worldly represents how human beings are oppressed in the third world. Now you.
JOE: I don’t know what song it is.
MIMI: Then you are dead for me.
TK: Wasn’t he dead for everybody?
IZZY: That’s how you flirt, Joe!
SORA: I love starting the episodes like this.
TAI: It’s like a contest for bullying the most.
*They laugh*
TAI: Are you all right, Sora? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SORA: I noticed something weird.
IZZY: There is a leak in your tit, which I wasn’t looking. I just heard the falling drop.
SORA: This reminds me of the clothing commercial I recorded.
*Commercial flashback*
SORA: Do you like the scent of recently washed clothes? Do you like the texture of white and clean clothes? Soft, nice and pure, very pure, like a virgin.
TAI: Flashback time? Fap fap fap, fap fap Sinatra. Fuck yeah, I shit in a…
TK: Rubbing Matt’s nipples…
MATT: TK, brother, that was just last night, even if it feels like a year between uploads. *Laughs* Sorry, I became too meta, let’s talk about food.
*Food flashback*
MATT: Introducing into my mouth meat so dense and juicy that I can choke with it.
JOE: I only ask for not being bullied.
MIMI: I liked the commercial idea.
IZZY: I want to tell this in a Minecraft series.
GABUMON: Humans are so superficial…
GOMAMON: They are like hollow shells.
TENTOMON: Do you hear that?
NUMEMONS: Howya doin?...
GABUMON: Izzy, are those your friends?
GOMAMON: They act like typical YouTube commentators.
AGUMON: Maybe it’s the Tumblr audience.
NUMEMONS: Yes, yes, of course…
JOE: What if we get out of here? Seriously, we know some literal Shitsmon are coming, we could start putting land between them.
NUMEMONS: You are Numemon, I am Numemon…
AGUMON: Yes, confirmed. Flee you fools!
NUMEMONS: I am Numemon, how were you doing Numemon?
TAI: Why are they following us?
AGUMON: Just run and shut up!
NUMEMON: Oh cool Numemon…
SORA: They throw pink shit!
TAI: Is this how diabetics shit?
TK: I can’t smell shit here!
NUMEMONS: Yes, that’s why I love it… Cool, Numemon… Then, what are you doing tonight?... Yes, I may watch a film, how about Twilight?... Bye Numemon, bye Numemon…
AGUMON: Yep, internet trolls.
TAI: Juas!
MIMI: Vending machines?
SORA: We have eyes, Mimi.
PALMON: Mimi, buy me some Sabritas!
MIMI: I don’t know crap but okay!
JOE: It’s the Lay’s, Mimi!
TAI: Is she developing characterization?
SORA: Finally, it was time.
MIMI: Damn, no potatoes!
PALMON: Take something for you.
MIMI: Do you want me to get fat?
PALMON: You will never be as fat and ugly as me!
NUMEMON: Pretty!
PALMON: Both?
NUMEMON: Do you need anything?
PALMON: Don’t listen to him, it’s a man!
MIMI: How could you deliberately identify me just for my physic? Do you see me just as a pretty face?
PALMON: It’s machirulo*!
*Funny way of saying “male chauvinist”.
MIMI: You ruined my day!... Literally.
NUMEMON: If you treat me like shit, take some shit!
NUMEMONS: Take shit! Take shit!...
MIMI: Jock, start the engine!
SORA: She is referencing…
TAI: Indiana Jones, run!
MATT: Tai, let’s divide!
TAI: Sayonara, queer!
MIMI: They run too fast to be that short-legged!
NUMEMONS: Take shit! Take shit!...
*Giant shit*
PALMON: Let’s face this as digimons!
NUMEMONS: Shit! Shit! Shit!...
MIMI: Very brave, this is how you do it!
PALMON: How weird, like if they saw a bear.
*Giant bear appears*
PALMON: Look, a bear!
MONZAEMON: Welcome to the country of toys.
MIMI: Hi bear, can we bear with you?
PALMON: Don’t look him in the eyes, he looks too absorbed! And he is very strange, he lives between things for kids like Michael Jackson.
MONZAEMON: Wuh!
MIMI: Uf, that’s disturbing.
PALMON: What should we do?
MONZAEMON: Do you like laser beams?
MIMI: When I answered yes I wasn’t picturing this!
MONZAEMON: I’m just playing, give me a bit of attention!
PALMON: He’s more perturbed than usual!
NUMEMON: Come here if you want to live.
MIMI: I will hate myself for this…
MONZAEMON: Where are you? I hope I didn’t be rude…
MIMI: I can’t see the dark wheel.
PALMON: This may be how he socializes.
NUMEMON: Do you want to socialize with me?
MIMI: Nain!
NUMEMON: Shit!
PALMON: This is his town, for the toys.
MIMI: It’s like Disney, but without copyright.
*YouTube has blocked your video*
PALMON/MIMI: Right left, right left…
MIMI: Does somebody supposed to live here?
TAI: I adore this town, I adore this locality, Toy Town is well, is comfortable*.
*Lego Spanish Movie
MIMI: He didn’t use to be that dumb, right?
SORA: This is not a sect, we won’t suicide.
PALMON: I smell sect.
IZZY: Look how many subscribers! Look how many likes! Not a single head joke!
*Head joke counter: 12*
MIMI: At least Izzy acts like usual.
MATT: I like cunts, I’m crazy about vaginas, eating pussy is my life!
JOE: I have self-esteem and personality!
MIMI: All right, now I know they are possessed!
TK: Abstention is the essence of purity, God will accept me into his arms if I’m a virgin!
MIMI: They are completely out of their minds!
PALMON: Yes, but their digimons aren’t with them!
*The digimons inside a trunk*
PALMON: Don’t start without me!
MIM: Are you okay?
PALMON: Gabumon, Tentomon, Biyomon, Gomamon, Patamon, are you there?
AGUMON: Why do you exclude me, cantaloupe head?
*Head joke counter: 13*
PALMMON: Oh sorry, I didn’t bring the class checklist to go one by one.
MIMI: Who did this to you?
AGUMON: Obviously, Seadramon.
SEADRAMON: Yes, it was me, I did everything! Of course not, this flashback is simple excuse to use the most charismatic character… who couldn’t come so I did.
MIMI/PALMON: Seriously?
AGUMON: Of course not!
BIYOMON: She’s dumb!
AGUMON: She’s junkie, she’s a junkie!
BIYOMON: Just look how she dresses!
MIMI: But can you get out of there?
AGUMON: Yes, well, this morning I wake up tired. We thought it was a neat idea looking for a trunk to get inside.
GABUMON: That’s right.
AGUMON: Casually, we found a big one.
GABUMON: And stuffed.
AGUMON: It’s a typical tradition, we call it “trunking”.
GABUMON: Trunking, as always.
AGUMON: We felt like doing it, right? Tuesday at seven o’clock, perfect for spending inside a trunk!
GABUMON: It happened exactly like he said.
PALMON: Mimi, I think they are mocking us.
AGUMON: Of course we are mocking you, jerks!
MIMI: Brats!
TENTOMON: And oxygen is limited…
AGUMON: Move your asses, slackers!
PALMON: What should we do?
MIMI: Should we do trunking too?
PALMON: Mimi, is your drug addiction real or just an unimaginative way of fucking with you?
TK: Christ, receive me into your arms!
MIMI: Don’t you see them? Do I act like the junkie?
MONZAEMON: Has somebody said “receive me into your arms”?
PALMON: If you can see that bear, you are okay.
MONZAEMON: Don’t you bear my oso-tomy*? Instead of “lobotomy”? Eh? Bear joke?
*”Oso” means “bear” in Spanish, his attack is “osotomy” instead of “lobotomy” because “lobo” means “wolf”.
MIMI: Shut up, shut up, shut your mouth off! You are all the same starting with wordplays and puns that worsen each time!
*Monzaemon gives her an evil stare*
MIMI: You are unbearable!
MONZAEMON: You said bear!
MIMI: Now I understand why you are so depressing! This world is crazy and I live in Malaga!
MONZAEMON: Sorry if I’m annoying, but making you run is so entertaining!
NUMEMONS: Howya doin? Wazzup, wazzup! Yes, we eat a lot of shit, we love eating shit, yes, yes… We love doing and eating shit…
MIMI: Am I also hallucinating that?
PALMON: No Mimi, stop asking, I’m equally shocked!
*The Numemons are stepped*
NUMEMONS: Shit, shit, shit…
MIMI: Are they defending us or is it my astigmatism?
MONZAEMON: So you throw me shit, right?
MIMI: And I treated them like disgusting beings…
MONZAEMON: And you hope me to ignore that…
PALMON: I’m helping them!
MONZAEMON: Like if I cared!
*Palmon tangles Monzaemon*
MONZAEMON: I hate girls who cut themselves!
MIMI: He’s right with that.
PALMON: But nobody understands me.
MIMI: And I hate when they don’t get the no!
PALMON: And I hate when slim girls say they are fat!
TOGEMON: We don’t show the entire evolution for copyright restrictions!
*Mimi observes*
TOGEMON: I will make a new face for Yogi.
*Togemon and Monzaemon get closer*
TOGEMON: I used to cut myself, but cutting others is way funnier.
MONZAEMON: If you are going to fight don’t cut the violence!
*YouTube doesn’t let uploading this scene*
MIMI: Glad that I helped you!
PALMON: But don’t choke me!
MONZAEMON: Sorry guys for fought you, I swear it wasn’t my intention. Sometimes I lose my shit, specially with those wheels. But toys all over the world are so alone. We’re thrown in the trash now that you have videogames.
MIMI: So it wasn’t the wheel what unhinged him.
JOE: No, he was already buzzed.
MONZAEMON: We have always been good with you, even if you break us. Even if we felt bad, we never wanted to abandon you…
TAI: Well… we should be leaving.
MONZAEMON: And that frustrates me a lot! All the toys in the world are…
SORA: Another dark wheel…
TAI: A metaphor on capitalism, I suppose.
MONZAEMON: Why don’t you like plushes? Why don’t you like teddy bears like me?
MIMI: Should we go before he osotomizes us?
MONZAEMON: Don’t, guys, see how good this feels!
*He stands*
MONZAEMON: I have a huge complex because I’m substituted by videogames and that’s sad. THAT’S TOO SAD!
MIMI: It’s too pink even for me!
NUMEMON: Good work, Monzaemon! Now put down the girl before the effect wears off.
SEADRAMON: Oh yes, it was me, poor Seadramon…! Stop! I’m tired of goofing around! I’m the best known digimon at home. I should be like an Egyptian god. Like, like Ra… Ramon… I will present the Grand Prix.

MONZAEMON: Then, I purpose to make a syndicate with all the toys in the world! A syndicate against videogames! We will break them and destroy them! I don’t care if I’m put into a videogame because Digimon is about that, but toys will survive! We will survive and laugh at your videogames some day! Some day the world will know the relevance we had on society! The relevance we had in your lives! The relevance we had in your intellectual development! Some day they world will know, some day!

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