lunes, 30 de enero de 2017

Digimon Abridged Ep5: Cutreramon (ENGLISH)

*Friendzone Dubs*
MERAMON: Stop singing about Moonmon!
BENDERMON: The next video is a nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release AND A MASK FOR ME!
NARRATOR: Previously, on Digimon Abridged…
Are you still watching this show? Seriously? Don’t you have enough incest and penis jokes? I mean, last episode was creepy. High Octane Nightmare Fuel, bro. Even with a firing exhibitionist controlled by a dark wheel, the most horrifying part was the parrot and her girlfriend. I’m going to puke…
Episode 5: Cutreramon*
*Cutrerama is a Futurama parody by the channel that voices Bendermon.
MIMI: Even my hat hurts.
TK: Take a break, please.
MATT: I’m surprised with you enduring so little.
SORA: Poor guys, it’s a shame seeing them rolling in the floor.
TAI: The strange part is that Joe hasn’t complained yet.
TENTOMON: But Izzy, you already know your laptop doesn’t have battery.
IZZY: Yet, a man can dream…
TAI: Do you have porno? C’mon, butts and boobies!
IZZY: Leave my waifu alone!
TAI: Doesn’t it have a motion sensor?
SORA: No Tai, not everything works like your penis, phallocentric jerk!
TAI: What is a phalocentric? And what about that?
AGUMON: I’m going with you, Taichi?
JOE: Taichi?
MATT: Tit for tat.
IZZY: The battery is so low…
TAI: People, come here!
JOE: It looks like a factory.
TAI: It may be of chocolate, let’s go!
TK: What is that, Matt?
MATT: You aren’t prepared to use it yet.
JOE: Okay, okay, okay, who is crazy now? How can a factory exist if there aren’t humans around?
TAI: What a relief, Joe hasn’t complained in so much time that I thought he was possessed.
SORA: What happens, Biyo?
BIYOMON: Hear with attention.
AGUMON: Look at that!
TAI: A robot!
GOMAMON: It’s Bendermon.
TAI; Do you know it?
AGUMON: Yes, he’s a cool guy. We used to play with the Pokemon Tazos. Do you remember them? Such wonderful times!
BIYOMON: What’s more, he’s stronger than our evolutions.
JOE: Are you sure he’s one of us?
SORA: Like Meramon and Seadramon?
TAI: Cool!
JOE: No!
*Joe helps them*
JOE: I only help you not to feel displaced!
*Tai hums and falls over a lever*
AGUMON: Bendermon, wake up!
TAI: I’m going to hit it! I’M GOING TO HIT IT!
JOE: No!
*Bendermon wakes up*
JOE: Very bad, Agumon, sit, sit!
SORA: It looks like he has opened the eyes.
BENDERMON: What are you doing in my shack?
TAI: Attack, Canary!
BIYOMON: Hey, I’m not islander!
JOE: Didn’t you say he was cool?
GOMAMON: Look Joe, everything has been upside down since you appeared. So don’t ask for explanations when you are the cause of my misfortune, damn parasite!
TAI: Agumon, what if you evolve into a robot?
AGUMON: I have something better.
TAI: Well thought, we are unstoppable with your brain and my ability to breathing fire!
*From now on, there will be filters so YouTube doesn’t globally block it*
MIMI: I don’t know what those are, but I don’t have any of those in my purse.
IZZY: I found a door.
TENTOMON: Finally, you have been searching for half an hour.
*They examine the room*
TENTOMON: What language is this?
IZZY: I don’t know, it looks Murcian*.
*Spaniard equivalent to a Canadian joke.
TAI: Oh, dear me!
JOE: We’re lost!
TAI: Silence, he may miss us!
BENDERMON: I may be blind, but this blind blind blind… actually sees.
TENTOMON: I don’t know, Izzy. Your apples* have caused the blackout.
*He misspelled “manazas” (ham-hands) with “manzanas”.
IZZY: I’m sorry.
TENTOMON: Try to redraw the character.
OZZY: Good idea!
MIMI: The light has returned.
MATT: We can continue walking on a straight line.
TENTOMON: Izzy, spontaneous combustion, I’m dying, turn off the computer!
IZZY: Changing the topic, where could the rest be? I hope they don’t leave me alone.
TAI: One-two-three-four, one-two-three-four!...
BENDERMON: Aha, you are there! Dildo-hand!
*Matt screams in pain. Matt screams in pleasure.*
TAI: You might be a level superior to our evolutions.
*Tai gets into the crane*
TAI: But my plot armor is even more superior.
IZZY: Come here guys, I discovered something great!
MATT: I hope it’s not about your fucking Maincras*.
*Minecraft purposely bad spelled.
IZZY: No idiot, this is serious, there is a program that constantly creates energy!
*Bendermon approaches*
IZZY: The factory feeds itself with that and never stops. It’s a cyclic system that never ends, like eating your own shit.
MATT: What a disgusting example.
TAI: Run, we’re pursued by another unnecessary Terminator sequel!
BENDERMON: I bet you didn’t see that coming, meat pieces!
*He tracks the humans*
BENDERMON: You’re going to suck my explosive nipples!
TK: Oh no, I forgot not being stupid!
MATT: Hold on!
GARRULOMON: Of course, since you don’t have to fight!
GREYMON: Suck that, missile in the shape of… a head.
BENDERMON: Aren’t those Cubonemon and Garrulomon?
TAI: That’s funny, we thought exactly the same names.
MATT: Yes, what a coincidence.
BENDERMON: Guys, guys, don’t get mad at me. You would also be angry with a gear in the leg. Dildo-hand!
GARRULOMON: Why are you repeating the same attack animation?
BENDERMON: You must recycle, cunt!
GREYMON: Recycle me this!
GARRULOMON: That was from three episodes ago.
BENDERMON: You aren’t that badass now, right?
MATT: He’s kicking their asses, we’re fucked.
SORA: It’s because none of the attacks penetrates his armor!
TAI: Haha, penetrates.
TENTOMON: Hey Izzy, the episode should be finished in a while. Do I evolve now or I wait so their asses are kicked a bit more?
IZZY: I’m going to google how to evolve you. I’m sure some latino will have a video-tutorial explaining it. If they worked as hard the dubs…
KYUBEY: Wey, I’ve been following this series for five episodes and I wasn’t offended by all those jokes about incest, pedophilia, homosexuals, Spaniards, ADD gamers and JK Simmons. But a joke about latinos with no context? That’s too much, I’m going to unsubscribe and leave a dislike. You got too smartass, cunt.
TENTOMON: Oh yes, Tentomon is going to evolve, every man and woman should wet their panties.
KABUTERIMON: We aren’t even going to change the voice-actor for this one.
BENDERMON: I’m beating the hell out of your friends, why do you think the young grasshopper will defeat me?
TAI: A cockroach?
MIMI: Nasty!
SORA: Can I keep it?
KABUTERIMON: I surrender, let the salad fight!
JOE: He’s a bit broken, without weak points.
IZZY: He must have, his weak spot should be… overwarming his nipples!
KABUTERIMON: Just let me take that little wheel.
SORA: Another sick wheel!
BENDERMON: I’m… free! Sorry Fry, I didn’t want to hurt you!
TAI: It’s Tai, not Fry!
BENDERMON: To get out from here, go to where I’m pointing with my Uboa shoulder.
TAI: I didn’t notice that!
MIMI: Super feminine jump of Mimi!
TAI: Mimi, you’re always doing stupid stuff.
TK: Hey Izzy, did you hack Tentomon to evolve it? Could you try to hack Shitsmon?
IZZY: Of course not, or I would hack myself to have more subscribers.
SHITSMON: Is Shitsmon already my official name?
TAI: It was that or Potatomon.
IZZY: Damn, it doesn’t work anymore.
TENTOMON: We should return to the giant battery so everyone can evolve and continuing gets easier.
TAI: Fuck that, a single evolution each episode!
AGUMON: And what will happen when everyone have evolved?
SORA: Then, the series can end, this won’t last forever, right?

TAI: Unless a sequel is made 15 years later.

viernes, 13 de enero de 2017

The Carlist general who almost changed Spanish popular culture

Palillos is immortalized in Alain Martin Molina’s last book, “Blood of partisan”

“Blood of partisan” is the fifth book of Alain Martin Molina, based on general Palillos, an unknown Carlist who almost changed the history of Spain. The mayor from Alain’s town Santurtzi and his teacher Pablo Zapata, who also writes novels, accompanied him in the presentation on the Tower House. The Council thanked the young writer for previously presenting the book in Madrid.

Zapata also expressed gratitude to his old student for his bibliography and the editorial for how the novel looks. He explains that the book hooked him since the beginning for illustrating the two Spains with Isabelians and Carlists. The country became known for its late fruits and that ignorance persists today for reading with the Index of censorship or by winners instead of foreign authors.

Culture never totally returned to Spain because half of Spanish homes don’t receive books or newspapers and workers only specialize in their jobs. “Blood of partisan” is contextualized in a period without brilliant minds, which was repeated again in the Spanish Civil War for deaths and exiles. Zapata returns the word to Alain, who always invited his teacher to his book presentations.

“The past was a war” is Alain’s previous novel, also based on a war. A couple of lawyers became a fan of it and suggested him writing about Carlism under Madrid, because there was only just novel about that before. Those Carlists didn’t pass to popular Spanish culture, so Alain turned into his main character someone called Palillos who suddenly appeared on documents since 1833.

Using fiction to fill History

“Blood of partisan” is centered on Palillos’, who almost changed the present for reuniting seven thousand Carlists kilometers away from their origin. If Madrid would be attacked by Palillos from the south and Zumalacarregui from the north, they could have taken the country. The Carlist identity was antagonized for losing some wars and it culminated with Canovas del Castillo deleting the regional codes of laws. Fifteen years later, the PNV was born as a response and the Carlist party currently exists trying to change the Constitution.

Alain Martin Molina describes the biggest complication on writing historical fiction as not being a historian. He loves History and loves to fill the gaps to commemorate those who don’t have statues or well-known names. That’s from the experimental part of the book comes, enhancing with the wife character.

Before even thinking I writing more, Alain wants to take a break, since he has been making novels since almost a decade. His personal progression should be reflected in its bibliography to become “a real writer” over sixty. Pablo Zapata jokes that Alain is still with the feeding bottle, “nobody is born as a poet”. In the words of Alain’s grandparent, nothing is better for the human mind than contriving. Writers aren’t able to reread their older stuff and tend to delete plenty of content the more they produce because editorial processes are too long.