domingo, 30 de octubre de 2016

Aitor Molina Vs. Niggapokon: 2016 Halloween Special in ENGLISH




This animated-review hybrid Halloween special is Friendzone Team and FlashEstudio's contribution for the 2016 edition of Red Ribbon Reviewers

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2015 submission: The Fantasia Revenge
2014 submission: AMvs Música Catastrófica (only in Spanish)
2013 submission: AMvs Hateful Comparisons - Vete a la versh vs. Telegordo (ENGLISH translation)


AITOR MOLINA (AM): John DiMicco is a fascinating man.
At this rate, he needs no introduction! It’s sad when your series has better reviews than episodes. After the Retropokon first year anniversary special, where Doctor Pandemia appears for some reason, John decided to make a soft-reboot. It means that he started his continuity from zero with remakes of the episodes he liked the least. John’s Monster was the first, based on the first installment of the entire Johnverse. Surprisingly, it was good! Not amazing, but we weren’t expecting something spectacular coming from John.
AM: Interestingly, it’s the best remake of a bad first episode I can think of in any webseries…
John Show is the equivalent to level zero in an audiovisual product for the web. Absolutely every problem you could have with any particular webseries could be applied to a Johnpisode. Since the John’s Monster remake had a positive reception by people who couldn’t stand the originals, it was used as a template for every single remake. They were just longer, “epic” with quotation marks, with more characters, most of them stolen, BORING RPG battles and a new storyline. Since I already analyzed the Bizarro John Remake with Nostalgia Skapokon, people use to ask me to talk about the others.
AM: My answer is NOOOO, because that would require repeating mistakes.
You have the entire outlook between the original review that inspired the remakes, Bizarro John and this special. Adding a continuous storyline to a selection of improvable episodes isn’t a bad idea*. Specially if it’s going to culminate in the supposed ending of the series. Yes, of course it will… Episodes like the Horror Mansion or Bizarro have MORE than TWO versions. John will recycle his own content** until leaving the web or achieving perfection, which isn’t going to happen. The new plot details Darkpokon’s rising, who is a Nostalgia Skapokon doppelganger. It wants to destroy every universe because… it’s a Weegee.
*”Special appearance by Auronplay”: Reference to “Bad Animations 33: David Chanatos in Maniac Mansion”, which was advertised as a collaboration with Spanish youtuber Auronplay just for having audio clips from him. The same way that John acts like Panpizza from Rebeltaxi is actually in the Darkpokon Saga.
**Abe Simpson: “OF COUUUUUUUURSE”
AM: No, seriously, that’s his explanation!
-And who is Oellam? And why… (I then realized that Oellam is Malleo backwards)
It’s also Bizarro John, the CD-I King from John vs. The King in the remakes and has some surprise appearances in Retropokon. The John Show finale after the Darkpokon Saga is basically a bad version of what The Dreamscape Kingdom* could have been if it had been made as a movie or Halloween special. But it wouldn’t have stolen characters… or had RPG battles… Even if John was going to appear. Analyzing Darkpokon would be losing time for repeating mistakes and because Skapokon actually says everything in his video-commentaries. On the other hand, the Johnpisode I want to talk about isn’t an actual episode, but a self-parody. Sometimes, John makes mockbusters of the same episodes he’s going to release, like if that would hype them more. They are videos made with even less effort, but way shorter and digestible than the originals. In an ironic twist, they are more recommendable than the show itself! They are similar to Asperchu, a series that parodies and abridges at the same time the Sonichu comics and all the Christian Wenston Chandler lore.
*You are hearing part of its soundtrack, composed by Lasaro. At least, this music is used on AMvs and War of the Consoles.
AM: So we’re going to review the joke version of Darkpokon. Since I’m reviewing it ironically, I will need this*.
*Housecoat used for ironic reviews.
The purposely bad-spelled title perfectly establishes the tone with a Windows Movie Maker color effect. He saw the necessity of writing “Thank god” between parenthesis, putting in the perspective of his viewers for the first time. Even if it would be way more creative if that was put in the real Darkpokon. The first scene shows us one of the infinite versions of John DiMicco, called Johnz or John Badman, watching pornography with his robot that has the personality of stealing jokes. (If I had one!) I think they mistook the design.
ROBOT: Joke number one, Ane Igartiburu!*
*From the previous AMvs, that robot automatically searches for jokes online, depending the topic. It mocks how the humor in Spanish Affair (2014) feels like it was found by looking for stereotype jokes in Google.
That’s better. A minimalistic version of Skapokon irrupts the scene singing and overlapping with the auto-read text.
-What? I can’t hear anything, dude! Can you take out the fucking music of balls!
A hilarious twist from the real version John would release soon is that every name is changed to criticize how the memes in the style of Dolan, Gooby and Farfour. The antagonist of the episode is Niggerkon or Niggapokon, who unlike its counterpart, is actually dark-colored.
*Niggerkon’s introduction and explanation of Mumbo Jumbo*
AM: Fuck irony! I won’t need this!
Three seconds, three damned seconds, and it’s already the most offensive and transgressor thing I’ve ever seen in my life! INTENTIONALLY! Don’t you understand it? This is intentional humor! He perfectly knows the topics he’s touching. A humorist could need YEARS to find the desired satirical style. John found it EVEN BEFORE releasing the original version.
DUN DUN!
Johnz meets with an army of memes, a very visual representation of how he steals characters in the least creative way possible. John’s group is at the same level.
Deleted Scene
Another improvement over the show is the fact that he erased the unavoidable 5-minute RPG battle AND NOBODY complained in the comments! (Steven Star reads a bizarre comment)
STEVEN STAR (SS): And that was my last contribution inside the Wikia. Then, it was closed. I couldn’t believe how fast everything changed outside the Wikia. When I was a child, I once saw a lawler, but now they are everywhere. This damned exterior of the Wikia goes too fast. The Wikia insurance put me in a residence and offered me a job as a dependent in a supermarket. It’s a very hard work, but I try to rise to the occasion, even if my hands ask me to write my own moveset.
-Try to put two bags like the lady has said.
-Yes, yes, sir, I’m doing it.
SS: I think that the responsible doesn’t like me. Sometimes, I go to feed the birds after the work. I always think that maybe John appears to say me hi, but he never did it. No matter where he could be, I hope he’s alright and making good friends. I can barely sleep at night. I have nightmares when I’m taken out of the Wikia. I wake up scared, sometimes it’s hard to remember where I am. I might try to get a gun and mug the supermarket to kill the responsible to assure my moveset and at the same time being put into the Wikia. I may be getting too old for this nonsense. I don’t like being here, I’m tired of always being afraid and I decided to leave. I doubt that someone could care. Who is going to miss someone from the Wikia?
There goes my last contribution outside the Wikia.
JOHN: Who is going to miss someone from the Wikia? Say to Agito that I don’t have hard feelings for his appearance in Bizarro.
AGITO (A): He should have died inside the Wikia.
In an unexpected turn of events, Niggapokon DEFEATS Johnz and achieves his perfect black form!
GANCHITO (G): Aitor, what are you watching? (Screams)
AM: Ganchito, it’s me!
(Actual frame of the episode)
To bookend, Swagmaster is the one who saves the day and gets John’s waifu. At last, it’s revealed that everything was a montage by Swagmaster to be the star of the show. And the real John, the one that sucks for his absence of self-awareness, defeats him.
AM: And that was the best thing that John has done in his entire life!
I’m happy that, after so many John incarnations like the old one who is now fat, the new and apparently definitive, the GoAnimate one, John Badman and John Goodman…
AM: He managed to publish the definitive Johnpisodic experience, even if it was a joke.
ASHE: Hi, I’m Ashe!
AM: Oh, sorry, I was late and I couldn’t buy candy. Do you want some caramel vodka? Wait, I don’t know if you are at legal age. What about black vodka?
ASHE: No, let’s do a special collaboration!
AM: Wait… Ashe, right? Had we previously met?
ASHE: Yes… I’m Ashe from FlashEstudio!
AM: FlashEstudio is still active? What a great new! Hey, where are you going?
ASHE: I have to make a meme before leaving.
AM: A meme…
ASHE: Yes, a meme for FlashEstudio!
AM: Why would you want a meme? You’re with some of the most promising and interesting spriter animators of Latin America. Just give them time to publish some episodes and the memes will make themselves.
ASHE: No, no! It doesn’t work like that! You have to repeat memes to earn viewers! You don’t know anything! Meme is mor gud!*
*Reference to Lego Spanish Movie
AM: If you aspire to a viewership that’s only there for the memes, they won’t appreciate the most important topics of your work.
(Ashe finds the Yrion Diary)
AM: Return that book.
(Ashe turns a page)
AM: You come to my house to make memes like I know you my entire life, and you don’t even introduce yourself!
ASHE: I’m AAASHE!
AM: Just for having a name and physical aspect, you assume that everybody must know you! It’s the first time we meet and you pretend to automatically like each other? Should I admire you just for the fact that you exist?
ASHE: Oh, but my story is too complicated to reveal it like it was nothing!
AM: SOORRY, I will wait until you’re given the Nobel Prize of Literature with anticipation, because it’s probably SO GOOD that you get nominated even before publishing it! Seriously, do you casually know who Rakzol is? I ask because he could be someone important in this universe. But in mine not! He pretended to have fortune and glory at the expense of other people just for being conceived! You act like his counterpart! You are exactly the same!
ASHE: But… I’m a girl… and adorable.
AM: Suuure you are… Get out of my house.
ASHE: What an interesting book… Can I borrow it?
AM: Leave my book, witch!
ASHE: I perfectly know what all of this is about, and you are way stranger than I thought. Now that you say I’m a witch… Zakilak… Kanpo… Haramberentzat…!*
*”Dicks out for Harambe” in Basque
AZATHOTH (AZA): Who has invoked me? Who dares to wake me up from my eternal sleep? Nyarlathotep!
NYARLATHOTEP (NYA): It was Nyog’ Sothep!
NYOG’ SOTHEP (NS): Liar, it was a human female!
AZA: Then, humanity will suffer the worst of all evil!
NYA: It seems to be a problem, Azathoth!
AZA: WHICH???
NYA: Humans currently have John Show.
AZA: The flying spaghetti monster’s cunt… Then send Darkpokon.
DARKPOKON (DPK): Jua jua jua, I’m so bad, that’s my principal characterization, the second is not having characterization.
AM: Take that outside my house!
ASHE: Watch what you are surrounding with! It’s exactly what you deserve! You cannot aspire to something better!
DPK: Jua jua jua, it’s time to destroy the world… Starting with the mosquitoes in this room!
AM: Is this what you wanted? Taking a poor devil out of its canon to put it in another and confuse him?
ASHE: This book says they did that to you.
(Ashe is kicked out)
ASHE: You know you’re here for a reason! You’re nothing more than phantasmagoria! Phantasmagoria!
AM: Oh no, I hit a woman… And I liked it!
DPK: Jua, jua…
AM: Take a rest, dude.
DPK: Jua?
AM: You were supposed to be bad, but I don’t see more mosquitoes in this house. Good job! Do you want to be my mosquitera*?
*”Mosquito net”, female
DPK: Are you giving me a utility? Robots need a task to be valuable in society!
AM: Yes, if humans were just as easy…
G: It’s Agito, the guy in a mask that creates awareness of Lawl X!*
DPK: Jua jua jua, a worthy opponent for my superevil superpowers of impartial evil of doom!
A: Get back!
AM: Are you really going to take my mosquitera?
A: Of course I’m taking it! I asked for it before! I’m still the second best active lawler and soon, the best Aviewer*.
*The canon reviewers in the Revengeverse
G: (Laughs)

AM: What are you laughing about?

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