MIMI: You are being too machirulo*.
*Colloquial for male chauvinist.
SEADRAMON: The next video is a nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release AND A MASK FOR ME!
TENTOMON: Okay, explain it to me again.
KYUBEY: These are the constrictor muscles.
TENTOMON: Am I talking with constrictors?
KYUBEY: Exactly, you are activating your constrictor muscles.
TENTOMON: Look how many cables, Aitor!
NARRATOR: Previously, on Digimon Abridged…
OK… so… pretty much they felt into a river… they went to a beach somewhere with telephones and I think they made a Rickroll joke or something… They fought the ugly barnacle, Agumon evolved into Cubonemon and saved the day…
SEADRAMON: No one Kiba live here*! Who wrote this?
*”No one could live here” is a TV show called “Aquí no hay quien viva” in Hispanic countries. KibaDubs is the new voice-actor who plays Seadramon and Garurumon.
TAI: I wonder why Agumon evolved.
MATT: I hope he isn’t thinking on boobs anymore.
TAI: Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs and butts…
AGUMON: What’s up, Tai?
TAI: Why did you return to Agumon after evolving?
AGUMON: Don’t you get it, Tai? They sue us, they sue us! We have to do things differently not to be judged! Pay more attention, Tai!
IZZY: What is that?
TENTOMON: It’s Rhinomon! I know, we couldn’t think any better name.
TAI: That’s a lot of teeth!
MATT: And it looks pissed off.
TAI: Are they already reusing designs for new digimons?
PALMON: No, it means he won’t be an important character.
MIMI: No, please, don’t start so soon with filler episodes!
TAI: One two, one two!
TK: Agh, a ghost stone!
TAI: Avoid the horror chicles*!
*”Chicle” (bubblegum) instead of “cliché”.
TK: Don’t worry, nobody is black in the group to die first.
MIMI: Yeah, but there are hateful bitches…
TAI: Don’t look at me, you are the annoying one.
MIMI: I know, I’m going to die…
AGUMON: Mimi, Joe and you are the worst characters. Why don’t you go with the Digimon Adventure 02 protagonists?
PALMON: Mimi, continue walking, you are embarrassing me in front of everybody.
TENTOMON: You are slow, too slow, Tentomon is bored of waiting. I’m going to that like, follow me if you want.
MIMI: Why don’t you bring the lake to me?
GOMAMON: I want to pee again!
JOE: Wait until we drink before!
MATT: Definitely, let’s camp here.
TAI: Definitely, let’s camp here! Uhuhu…
GABUMON: Oh, such a beautiful contrast…
BIYOMON: The colors are too artificial.
MIMI: Are we going to sleep in the floor?
TAI: Yes, we don’t have concrete so you can sleep with the fishes.
SORA: That came out from nowhere, it’s suspicious!
TAI: Suspiciously comfortable, let’s get inside! One two…
IZZY: Where does this come from?
MIMI: It doesn’t matter, I already took a seat.
MATT: First the telephones and now this? Something doesn’t smell right…
JOE: It’s a conspiracy, Illuminati confirmed…
TAI: No, Joe, get over it…
SORA: Then, with this and sushi…
TENTOMON: We eat your push*…
*The original phrase is “con esto y un bizcocho, te comemos todo el chocho”, which translates as “with this and a sponge cake, we eat your pussy”, but doesn’t rhyme.
IZZY: “Chopa”, yes, it’s a type of fish.
TENTOMON: Don’t interrupt me, I said cho*…
PATAMON: Air spit!*
*The play on words gets lost in the translation because Tentomon get’s interrupted midsentence in “chocho” (pussy), while Patamon shouts “chorro de aire” (air spit).
GABUMON: I surrender!
BIYOMON: Primitive mammal, this is how you do it!
PALMON: No, Mimi, that mushroom is dangerous!
MIMI: How do you know that?
PALMON: I used to have a family before they ate one.
TAI: Well, we have firewood, but not fire.
MATT: How could we make the fire?
SORA: My canary spits fire, but it is green… and spiral.
TAI: Oh, suspense is thrilling me!
AGUMON: Here I come!
TAI: Good work, slave!
IZZY: We fished chopas!
MATT: I’m sure that fish doesn’t exist.
MATT: Tai, you aren’t prepared to independency at all.
TAI: Teach me, I’ve never cooked.
MATT: Give me the fish then.
GOMAMON: You are eating my friends, but I don’t care.
MATT: Be careful with the spines.
TAI: Your brother wants to eat your dick!
TK: Let’s start the incestuous fan-fictions*!
*There are too many in the Digimon fandom…
TAI: Hey, Sora!
SORA: I have a boyfriend!
*SORA IS NOT YOUR WAIFU*
TAI: TK and Matt are brothers or just from the same race?
SORA: Izzy and you are brothers?
TAI: Nope, but I have a sister…
SORA: Think about it…
JOE: Look to the stars… not to me.
TAI: Whoa, white dots in the sky!
JOE: I think we are in another galaxy.
TAI: Awesome, I want to meet Yoda!
PATAMON: Cramp, cramp, cramp…
TK: Are you sleepy?
TAI: I’m actually sleepy.
IZZY: Wanting to sleep made me cross-eyed.
JOE: C’mon, Sora, you have to guard.
TAI: Her not, she is a girl, machirulo.
MATT: TK shouldn’t either.
TK: Yes Matt, MATT…
MATT: TK, don’t grab me there, I could go to jail!
MIMI: Leave a bit for the rest.
TAI: Hey, Gabumon, could you share the coat-blanket (batamanta)?
GABUMON: No, leave me alone, I have insecurities!
TAI: You pushed me!
MATT: Leave my dog alone!
TAI: You keep your insecurities for yourself!
MATT: If my doggy says no, it’s no!
JOE: Boys, boys, peace and love!
TAI: I’m going to do the first guard!
MATT: Then I will the second.
JOE: Oho, I got away, being the eldest rules!
MATT: Hey, Gabumon!
MATT: You are too warm.
GABUMON: I know.
MATT: It’s not very comfortable…
MATT: I think it’s my turn to guard.
GABUMON: I won’t.
GABUMON: Shhh, now you are with me…
AGUMON: Tai, don’t sleep!
TAI: I will walk then.
TAI: Hi, Matt.
MATT: Sorry for what happened before, I couldn’t help it.
TAI: Don’t worry. IS TK your brother?
MATT: Yes, but we don’t live together since our parents divorced.
TAI: Oh, I’m sorry.
TAI: This Matt is too repressed. I bet he will abuse his pokemon.
GABUMON: You play well…
TAI: Fuck, it’s unbearable!
TK: Come with me, Fluttershy. I have many animals!
TAI: I sleep, I sleep… and I wake up.
TAI: A little vortex!
I will play Seadramon very dramatic…
*The Christmas Revenge teaser*
Because “sea-dramón”*, he has to be a drama queen.
*In Spanish, “being a big drama”.
SEADRAMON: Okay guys, I want you to explain what happened.
SORA: So much potential for phallic jokes…
MIMI: I don’t want to hear them!
JOE: I would close the video!
IZZY: But didn’t the obligatory monster of the episode already appear?
TENTOMON: It seems not.
MIMI: This one doesn’t have an amusing name!
IZZY: The island is his butt, isn’t that enough jokes for you?
SEADRAMON: I’m sure we could solve this without relying on violence… or at least with anybody knowing about it…
TENTOMON: Do you think he will calm down if I stop piercing his tail?
AGUMON: I don’t know, jump over it…
AGUMON/TAI: It was sarcasm!
MATT: TK, wait for me!
GABUMON: Should I? Have I already digested the lunch? Doesn’t matter, Jesus in my side!
MATT: One two, one two…
SEADRAMON: I’m sure we could solve this without relying on violence!
BIYOMON: No, violence is the priority!
SEADRAMON: Not even a scratch…
PALMON: Or we would be watching Lucky Star.
SEADRAMON: You can’t hurt me! And I don’t want to hurt you!
AGUMON: Take a jalapeño!
SEADRAMON: Nothing! My turn?
AGUMON: It looks obsessed on using violence against us.
TAI: Then, evolve!
AGUMON: It’s not that easy…
TAI: Of course, other will evolve in this episode.
TK: Wait for me, Matt!
MATT: Don’t get near the edge, silly!
TK: Brother, I’m here!
MATT: You felt!
TAI: My grandmother swims better than you!
TENTOMON: Tai’s grandmother doesn’t have legs!
SEADRAMON: That joke had a bad taste!
MATT: Get him away, twangy seal.
GOMAMON: I don’t like that name at all…
MATT: Come here, dick joke!
SEADRAMON: Is the homo one talking to me? Hahaha! Sorry…
GABUMON: His sexuality doesn’t concern you!
SEADRAMON: And are you acting as his friend? Go to flirt to another place!
MATT: Lol, look how he is flying.
TK: Oh no! Somebody help him! He’s allergic to not having oxygen!
TAI: Everybody is!
SEADRAMON: Lucky me, right?
TK: It’s going to kill him!
TK: Patamon, help him, partner!
PATAMON: Hey, it’s not my fault if his dog is useless. Are you going to continue doing nothing, Gabumon?
GABUMON: What else? He is too big for me…
SEADRAMON: Any word before blowing him out?
GABUMON: Yes, I would like to confess I hate how he plays the harmonica. It sounds like an asthmatic pug.
MATT: Agh, it burns! This thing is overheating my member!
GABUMON: Don’t worry, I will evolve into a huge-ass dog.
GARRULOMON*: DIGIMON COMMANDO!
MATT: You cut me, brute!
GARRULOMON: This is the freshest sushi I’ve ever tasted!
SEADRAMON: Get out, stinky!
MATT: Brother, thank you for saving me!
SEADRAMON: Don’t rise to the surface or it will be worse!
GARRULOMOM: Suck this!
SEADRAMON: My eye! I have two, but it hurts anyways!
TAI: So what, is going to finish him or continue playing?
AGUMON: I’m boring!
TENTOMON: Do the finisher!
SEADRAMON: I am going to do my finisher!
SEADRAMON: I love doing drama!
GARRULOMON: Then I copy it!
SEADRAMON: Agh, tell my family I was innocent!
GARRULOMON: This is what happens when you mess…
GABUMON: …with the white man.
MATT: Very well, Gabumon, you are not the shittiest one anymore.
TK: Yes, now we know that Mierdasmon* is mine.
GABUMON: Or the lettuce, or the seal, or…
TK: And you too, brother, are a hero.
MATT: I know.
GABUMON: You are such an idiot… hahaha.
GOMAMON: Deus Fish Machinima*.
*Deus Ex Machina + Fish + Machinima
BIYOMON: That pun has been the worst of all.
GABUMON: I know.
SORA: I’m so tired… Massage my butt!
IZZY: So nice, so nice…
SORA: How could those evolutions work?
IZZY: Plot conveniences?
SORA: I think they are related to danger.
TAI: What we suspected, convenience at full force.
IZZY: What I was saying, like all animes.
SORA: Spoilers, nobody will die. Hey, you, go to die anywhere else!
AGUMON: That’s right, kids! Put you on danger like the Twilight bitch.
BIYOMON: Or the one from Jupiter Ascending, she’s even worse!
MIMI: Good, Lettucemon will evolve next.
TK: Thank you again for saving me. Should we do it? Yes, Matt…
TAI: Ups, I came…
TAI: I strongly ejaculated!
NARRATOR: Fuck, they killed the funniest character.
Hi, I’m the attractive Kiba and I compromise in front of this person to dub a character in the Digimon Abridged series Friendzone is going to make*.
*This was recorded before Episode 1.