domingo, 8 de noviembre de 2015

Digimon Abridged Ep2: 50 Shades of Greymon



*Friendzone Dubs*
SORA: Obey your salad!
GREYMON: The next video is a nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release.
NARRATOR: Previously, on Digimon Abridge…
The stupid kids were absorbed by a… sky-gina and went to the Digital World. After reuniting with the new generation of tamagochis and too many head jokes…
TAI: Yihadists cut Vin Diesel’s head!
*Head Jokes: 1*
AGUMON: I don’t need hands, I don’t need hands… Because I don’t have hands!
*Head Jokes: 2*
AGUMON: I also don’t have ass.
*Head Jokes: 3*
AGUMON: Look Tai, I don’t need hands.
*Head Jokes: 4*
AGUMON: I felt headfirst…
*Head Jokes: 5*
AGUMON: Headfirst.
*Head Jokes: 6*
AGUMON: I can’t feel my legs!
*Head Jokes: 7*
AGUMON: Augh, my arm!
TAI: Here we go again…
*Head Jokes: 8*
AGUMON: I’m sorry, Tai. I’m a pig-head.
*Head Jokes: 9*
Sentence: TO HELL (Headfirst)
NARRATOR: They fought a giant crab, but only won when the heads became full bodies and more merchandising-driven. As a final blow, Crabmon threw the protagonists, ending the episode in a literal cliffhanger.
*Gravity Falls style intro*
Episode 2: 50 Shades of Greymon
*Screams while falling*
BIYOMON: Beware, Sora, gravity is dangerous!
TENTOMON: Don’t fall, Izzy!
PATAMON: TK, don’t fall!
PALMON: *Coballita Mix voice* I will catch you with my bionic arm!
*She gets hit and falls*
GOMAMON: Fish, protect us!
TAI: Lucky us, we have Aquamon!
MATT: Watch out, it’s following us!
GOMAMON: Ahh, you bathed!*
*From “La caída de Edgar”
JOE: Another wave! And this one is real!
*The wave puts them on land*
TAI: I will never eat fish again.
JOE: I will become vegetarian.
GOMAMON: Vegetables are living beings too.
JOE: Then I will feed myself with sushi! Wait, that has rice…
TK: You have changed. You didn’t rock as much before.
PATAMON: Puberty took its toll on us.
AGUMON: Here, we call it “digi-evolving”.
TAI: Why does everything has to be so commercial?
IZYY: They evolve like Pokemon, but add “digi” so they can’t be sued.
TENTOMON: Ay, my kid is so smart!
BIYOMON: Promise you won’t fry me even if you are dying of hunger.
PALMON: This in my head is a tumor, I will die soon.
AGUMON: And I am the protagonist.
TAI: Sure, we want the dragon instead of the mutant lettuce.
AGUMON: Or the twangy seal!
SORA: Can you evolve always you want?
BIYOMON: Ha ha ha, no.
IZZY: Why?
TENTOMON: This is an anime. We act like there are rules.
PALMON: But in reality, we only improve when the plot need it.
MIMI: Well, if you say so…
TK: It doesn’t matter. You are way cooler like this.
PATAMON: Ok, but don’t shout that much!
JOE: And I have a useless seal…
GOMAMON: Because I have to protect a useless boy.
MATT: Fine, but what should we do now?
JOE: Looking for a telephone, there should be one in the middle of nature.
MATT: We should escape before night.
IZZY: Yeah, but where?
TENTOMON: To the north… he he he.
JOE: Something will go wrong, I can feel it.
TAI: Joe, relax, dude!
SORA: We could return to the point we started, it’s the easiest way to return.
MIMI: Did you already forget about the giant bug that attacked us?
PALMON: And that was one of the weakest.
MATT: We have to do something.
TAI: Are there more people around?
AGUMON: Out of this group, no. You are pioneers.
TAI: Then, I will call this world Taitopia.
SORA: As always, your ego before your head.
IZZY: Oh, oh, salsa*, salsa!
*”Salseo” is a Spanish euphemism for polemic.
JOE: That attitude doesn’t help.
TAI: I’m going, I’m a white conqueror. One, two, one, two…
TAI: I’m sure there are plenty of harmless tribes to conquer.
MATT: But you aren’t Aryan.
TAI: Who cares, it’s better than staying here.
MATT: This will bring plenty of trouble…
TAI: *Laugh* One, two, one, two…
MATT: Should we follow him?
SORA: Do we have any option?
JOE: Hear me out, I’m the oldest, so you should obey me.
GOMAMON: Joe, they have carelessly ignored you.
JOE: Assholes!
*They walk*
GABUMON: What?
GOMAMON: It was me, I was peeing.
*A phone rings*
SORA: Is that a phone?
AGUMON: We are late.
MATT: This sounds wrong.
JOE: Shut up, we can call our parents!
GOMAMON: Joe, you are making us tired!
TAI: Do you have coins?
IZZY: For what?
TAI: To get some prostitutes, of course. To call, Izzy, to call…
IZZY: Right, the second one sounds better.
TK: But we have enough time for the first!
MIMI: What the heck with this child!
TAI: Police, we are missing white kids!
*Rickroll*
TAI: Even here they rickroll…
SORA: They don’t work!
TAI: Bad news.
JOE: I never gonna give up, they have to answer!
*”Bolleras y Estrellas cameo”*
KONATA: Fuck, Maria Fernanda!
MARIA FERNANDA: Eh? Oh, hi, how much time!
KONATA: Look this, look this, do you like my new phone? Do you like my new phone?
MF: Yes, it’s cool, but isn’t it a bit obsolete? It looks like a 2004 mobile. Couldn’t you pick a tactile one?
KONATA: Chsst, I have a call, let’s see who it is.
JOE: I never gonna give up, they have to answer.
KONATA: At first sight, the voice sounds from a virgin.
MF: Hey, but won’t you answer him? He sounds in trouble.
KONATA: Of course he is in trouble. He is my cousin Joe who is on a camp. He is the one who looks like Milhouse.
MF: Is he in a dangerous camp?
KONATA: Don’t worry. He won’t receive aids because even if he buys a seal, it won’t fuck him.
IZZY: Oh, I almost forgot, online meeting, my subscribers are awaiting me! No-o-o, I don’t have battery!
TAI: I’m so hungry that I would eat Crabmon.
IZZY: I would eat a creeper.
SORA: Hey, Mimi, I’m sure you only have whory things on your purse.
MIMI: Oh, are you already judging me? In the end, I’m the only one well prepared.
MATT: Looks are deceiving.
SORA: Should we call Joe to come or fuck him?
TAI: He is too insistent, even his seal can’t stand him.
JOE: I can hear you. Why are you so assholes? I will be an asshole too, let’s see if you respect me more.
JOE: Take this, Mimi, pick this bag, annoying brat.
MIMI: You are being too machirulo*.
*Colloquial from male chauvinist.
JOE: You complain just for complaining, what a real nerve.
TAI: Blimey, you will explode if you don’t aren’t in command.
SORA: Lol.
JOE: Hear me out, I’m the oldest, so you… Are you already eating? Share!
TAI: Joe, relax, dude!
*Increasing drumming*
JKSIMMON: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
TENTOMON: It’s JKsimmon!
JKSIMMON: Start counting!
JOE: I can’t even speak English!
JKSIMMON: At four, dammit, look at me!
AGUMON: Let’s make him reject his Oscar!
TAI: Give him a real Whiplash!
AGUMON: Take a jalapeño!
JKSIMMON: Count again.
GABUMON: Fresh water… I’m choking!
BIYOMON: I can’t do the spiral…
TENTOMON: *Laughs at them*
IZZY: Are you already giving up?
MATT: Are they still delighting?
JKSIMMON: Was I rushing or was I dragging?
PALMON: Lift me, lift me, augh!
TAI: Agumon, he’s just an elderly Slowbro. You can deal with him!
IZZY: The mouth is his weak spot!
MATT: Agumon is the only one who has eaten.
SORA: Anime cliché number 252, the protagonist is gluttonous.
MATT: Damn firstworld whitey!
TAI: Wiiii!
AGUMON: No, Tai, get out from there!
TAI: Anime cliché number 346, I don’t want to recall what tentacles do.
AGUMON: No, Tai!
TAI: What a transformation!
JKSIMMON: Rushing or dragging?
TAI: Now, he is Cubonemon.
GREYMON: Sorry, dude, but I can’t let you hurt my Taichi.
JKSIMMON: So you do know the difference!
GREYMON: Are you attacking me with water? I drink water to hydrate my cells!
JKSIMMON: They why the fuck don’t you say so?
TAI: No, you were more awesome in big.
TAI: Say something.
AGUMON: I’m hungry.
TAI: Agumon…
*Oh, you!*
JOE: Yes, a giant mussel!
SORA: Stuff yourselves before Joe notices it!
IZZY: We should leave before JKsimmon returns.
JOE: What? Will he return? Let’s go to the forest before he finds us!
SORA: Joe, jeez, shut up!
MIMI: You are too annoying!
IZZY: If there are phones, there are people, let’s find them!
TAI: Good idea, telephonic companies will find us... and steal from us…
*They laugh*
NARRATOR: Tose kids are such a pain the ass…
*Friendzone Dubs*

GOMAMON: That guy in the restaurant didn’t pay the bill! (Emperor’s new groove)

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