domingo, 23 de agosto de 2015

Digimon Abridged Ep1: Who's that Porkérion?



*Friendzone Dubs*
The next video is a nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release. 
NARRATOR: Planet Earth, noisiest planet on the Solar System. Our story begins here with some kids who were… the chosen ones*.
*This parody is based on the Spanish dub, where the “digi-destined” are just called “chosen kids”.
TAI: Look those stars, what a lovely night.
SORA: But it’s daytime.
*Storm*
-Run for your lives!
-Someone cummed in my hair!
-It’s the global warming!
Episode 1: Who’s that Porkérion*?
*This game actually exists and has a trilogy!
*Snow*
TAI: Snow! Let’s make some angels!
TK: Yei, angels!
MATT: Be careful, TK, there could be bears.
SORA: It’s so cold, my nipples got pointy.
JOE: Oh heavens, I didn’t bring my earflaps!
MIMI: Awesome, perfect to show my Mexican poncho with cowboy hat.
TAI: Your clothes are bizarre, Mimi.
TK: Should we call Izzy?
MATT: He is at his computer. I prefer not to think on what he is doing.
IZZY: Hi and welcome to the 57th part of my Minecraft videoguide. Subscribe, like, but please don’t leave negative comments or dislike, please, please… I spend much time doing this and I want to earn a living!
TAI: Izzy, stop fapping and come over here.
IZZY: Ok, I always can record a video-blog with my mobile phone.
*Aurora borealis*
MIMI: Could be true that aurora borealis are God’s farts?
*DUUUHHH*
IZZY: It could be, why not?
SORA: Or Chuck Norris’.
IZZY: Or WillyRex’s*.
*A popular Spanish letsplayer for his young fanboys, like Izzy.
JOE: Don’t start so soon with the YouTube jokes.
MATT: Yeah, more black humor.
TAI: What is a black guy in the snow?
*Screams and meteorites*
*Coballita Mix in the fake intro*
SORA: What was that? Are you all right?
TAI: An easy target*.
*In Spanish, “blanco fácil” means “easy white”.
MATT: Un-fucking-funny.
TAI: *Retarded laugh*
MIMI: I’m afraid!
JOE: I don’t get it!
IZZY: Look at this, guys!
SORA: Is this an even smaller new phone design?
IZZY: What a nice guy Steve Jobs is! He dies but still makes smartphones in Heaven.
JOE: A wave!
*They do the wave*
JOE: No, a wave!
TAI: A space-gina!
SORA: To Valhalla!
IZZY: Make a LoL character based on me!
MIMI: Don’t look under my skirt!
TK: I have tickles!
*Dimensional travel*
NOTE: For the digimon, I’m using the same names and voices in the two first forms.
AGUMON: Tai, Tai, Tai…
*Tai wakes up*
AGUMON: Have you got a nice nap?
*Screams*
TAI: Yihadists cut Vin Diesel’s head!
AGUMON: Look Tai, look Tai, look Tai… I don’t need hands, I don’t need hands… Because I don’t have hands!
*Tai vomits blood*
AGUMON: I love you too, catch me!
TAI: Don’t shit on me, please.
AGUMON: I also don’t have ass.
IZZY: Boys, a Pac-man ghost is following me!
TENTOMON: Hi Izzy, do you want to see my cables*?
*Tentomon is played by the professor in Cutrerama.
TAI: Get off, freak! Where did these fetuses come from?
TENTOMON: We are from here, YOU are the monsters.
TAI: This doesn’t look like a camp. I will climb a tree to see where we are.
AGUMON: Look Tai, I don’t need hands.
TAI: You already told that. Incredible, a bug as big as Mimi’s crabs!
TENTOMON: Aaargh, it’s Crabmon!
IZZY: Where did that come from?
TAI: He is coming back!
AGUMON: I saw it!
*Roar*
TENTOMON (DIGIDEX): It’s Crabmon (Ladillamon), a fat angry bug designed by H.R. Giger.
AGUMON: Take a spit!
*Tai falls*
TAI: My butt!
IZZY: Are you ok, Tai?
TAI: No, my ass hurts!
*Agumon falls*
TAI: What a blow! Are you ok, little friend?
AGUMON: I felt headfirst… headfirst.
TAI: I have heard enough head jokes.
IZZY: Hey, it’s coming back!
TENTOMON: Boys, boys, boys… come here!
TAI: Let’s go!
*Crabmon attacks some trees*
TAI: Goodness it’s always the same tree!
TENTOMON: It’s here!
IZZY: Let’s go to Narnia!
SORA: It’s over, you can go out!
TAI: What’s up, Sora?
SORA: You have peed yourselves, right?
TAI: Only three drops. Wow, and that lettuce? Do you reproduce with that?
IZZY: How unless?
SORA: Em… maybe thought spores?
*Patamon appears*
IZZY: Be careful, it’s an incubator!
PATAMON: Hi, do you want to make a contract?
TK: Hi guys, have you seen my mascot pig?
IZZY: Look, Matt has another one!
TAI: Yes, with a dildo.
*TK and Patamon squee, Joe appears screaming*
TAI: Joe, relax, dude!
JOE: This seal is caring me!
GOMAMON: Shut up, four-eyes!
JOE: Please, don’t eat us!
-We raped you while you were sleeping!
TAI: Seriously?
AGUMON: We are joking!
GABUMON: Except for Matt.
BIYOMON: Bye.
TENTOMON: We have a lot of swag!
GOMAMON: *Seal sounds*
PATAMON: Do you want a contract or not?
TAI: Let me introduce my band while they salute like retards. I am Tai, this is Sora, insert any joke related to Kingdom Hearts.
SORA: Too easy, we won’t do it.
TAI: This is Matt, he thinks very cool, but we will joke about him until he gets out the closet.
MATT: Matt Power, everybody wants to touch your name…*
*Max Power’s song from The Simpsons.
TAI: This is Izzy, the annoying one!
IZZY: If you enjoyed the video like and subscribe, do it now or you will forget about it!
TAI: And this is Matt’s brother, we call him Tonto del Kulo (Ass Dumb).
TK: But my friends call me TK!
JOE: My name is Joe.
*Angry stares*
SORA: Where is the squeaky one?
*Mimi screams*
MATT: There she is…
TAI: One two, one two…
MIMI: Help me, this time it isn’t my crab!
*Crabmon disappears*
PALMON: Don’t pray! Stand up and run!
SORA: Obey your salad!
PALMON: I have a name, Zorra (Bitch)*!
*Sora and Zorra sound alike.
JOE: It’s returning!
TENTOMON: Goodness it disappeared after touching the tree!
TAI: One two, one two…
AGUMON: I can’t feel my legs!
GABUMON: It’s over, ok?
JOE: To the floor!
BIYOMON: Once it has tasted the human blood, he won’t stop until it has eaten us.
TAI: What if we fight instead of run?
SORA: Okay, Tai, you go first!
MATT: Yes, Tai, for speaking!
IZZY: Maybe if we attack on group…
*Crabmon returns*
JOE: No, we better continue running.
TAI: It’s the Pride Rock, Simba shouldn’t be far from here!
SORA: You are too silly, Tai!
*Crabmon attacks like Kocoum*
AGUMON: Careful, Tai. Take a spit! Augh, my arm!
TAI: Here we go again…
-Let’s spit!
*Crabmon falls*
SORA: Everybody… everybody is an idiot!
TAI: You never learn, right?
AGUMON: I’m sorry, Tai. I’m a pig-head.
*Crabmon wakes up*
TAI: Who will sacrifice for us now?
*Crabmon’s fangs squeak*
AGUMON: I won’t.
TENTOMON: Me neither, fuck them.
IZZY: Asshole!
BIYOMON: Bye.
SORA: Jo…
-Leave me, leave me, free me, free me…
GOMAMON: *Seal sounds*
MIMI: Do I need to let you go, lettuce?
PATAMON: Yes.
*Zoidberg sounds, evolutions and fight*
AGUMON: Darwin must be crying in his grave!
PALMON: Vine Whip with a different name!
PATAMON: Kirby imitation!
TENTOMON: Thunder Shock… with a different name!
*Crabmon kneels*
AGUMON: At three, everybody attack! It even rhymed*…
*It rhymes only in Spanish.
TAI: As Keanu Reeves would say… woah!
*Everybody falls*
NARRATOR: And just like that, everybody died. The End.
Of episode 1
*Friendzone Dubs*
*Tentomon singing the Digidex song*
-I dave you this in the case you…

*Laughs*

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